Hatred

Posted by Peach

I probably die as a bitter person.

It’s likely to be my final chapter of my life book.

Yes, I am bitter. Very bitter.

Bitter about everything.

Just got scolded by my parents for reaching home at 9:30pm. For not being there to feed Dawn medicine.

I was called a heartless person.

I was extremely bitter about that idiot who is having his good time now, who bears no responsibility over Dawn. While me here, have to always be restricted to the damn curfew that is so damn early. I am always the earliest to leave for a group dinner. A dinner starts at 7pm and I have to leave by 8:30pm? I wish I have Doraemon’s magic door.

My time are short. I had always make it a point to be home immediately after work so that I can relief mom for the day. Once a week to keep myself sane, is it so much to ask for??

I hate myself for being poor. That I couldn’t afford a car, a maid, a time machine or even a cab fare sometimes.

I hate myself for being restricted. Like a stupid bird who walked itself into a cage and chained itself to the cage.

I hate myself for being too strong at times. That I could not find a man who thinks I am weak and therefore need his care over me.

I hate myself for being weak. That I have to hide inside the stupid bathroom and cry my heart out while the water is splashing on my face.

I hate myself for not being pretty. That I could not sweep the men in the streets up their feet and give me their money.

I hate myself for not being articulate. That I could not convince people of what I am trying to say.

I hate myself for not being smart. That I can win some millions from some genius show.

I hate myself for not being self sufficient. That I have to ask for help of any kind.

I hate myself. I hate my life. I hate what I do not have now. And I hate what I am facing now.

Can all these hates be an energy generator?

I want to be self sufficient. I do not want to rely on people. Even the greatest person who said that you can always rely on will one day said that you are a heartless being.

And I simply hate it. I felt betrayed. I felt I am an idiot.

A damn idiot.